Got a toothbrush?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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