She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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