ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
