A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
