we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
