i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How naked do you want me to be?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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