are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
