whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His nipple licking is glorious
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