Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
