I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
