): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
