she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
