So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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