Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
