Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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