You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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