The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
FUCK WHALES
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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