Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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