Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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