I think I am morally bankrupt
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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