you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
