I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
