wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
