like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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