Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
