3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize