It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
