Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
