I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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