WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
