Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
