Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize