Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
