If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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