I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
