What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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