I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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