Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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