dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
