Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
