Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
