she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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