I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
