My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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