I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
