I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
