ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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