I look better un-naked...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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