Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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