he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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