He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
