Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
