Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
