Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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