hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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