seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
false alarm, still single
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
