If i come over, it means nothing
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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