don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
