I'm so fucking centered right now
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
