he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found puke in my bra..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
