Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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