I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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