also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
