I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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